I’m Starving

And not for what you would think. Lately, I have been struggling getting on track with my WW. Now, more than ever before, I have more friends on WW. An amazing support system and I can’t seem to get my act together. I have been back and forth with it for 7 months now. I’ll have a great week and then fall off. I know good and well it’s due to emotional eating. I seem to be struggling more this year with emotional eating. Why I am letting stress rule the roost is beyond me.

On WW I have never felt deprived, but recently, I have felt just a little FOMO. I want to eat pizza…and not just a half a slice. I’ve been craving Sir Pizza for weeks but I know if I get one (large supreme, please), I’m going to eat the whole thing. Not in one sitting, but I’ll eat it until it’s gone. And I’ll be the only one in the house to eat it because I’m the only one that eats peppers and onions. Seriously. My relationship with food is comfort, comfort, comfort. And when I know the pizza is to “make me feel better,” I know I am trying to add comfort to the uncomfortable feelings I have right now.

Before anyone gets all crazy (I am newly engaged but that’s not the crazy part), I know this has to do with where I am and what I’m doing professionally. I let myself get comfortable with my former manager and when she left, it freaked me out. And when I say comfortable, I mean we developed a good working relationship with mutual respect and we looked out for each other. We also became great friends. And…..I miss her. Going to work hasn’t been the same since she left. Good Lord, my eyes are misting up. Seriously, she always said I was the glue that kept our team together, but I’ll tell you, it was her. I’m not blaming her for my emotional eating, but I have realized the change was bigger than I thought. And, something I wasn’t mentally prepared for AT ALL.

I know this is all part of my emotional eating, but I also know that I long to do something else. Something more. And change, well, change is scary. Change is not something I like to make friends with, but it’s inevitable. Change is necessary for growth, spiritually and emotionally and, yes, physically. I write about fear all the time. How scary it is to make changes, especially for the unknown. I also know, I’m not a spring chicken. I may not feel like I’m almost 50, but the reality of that is that I am almost 50. And if not now, when?

I am starving for change. Starving for bravery to make the change. And when I get nervous, well, I just eat something. Something comfortable like a cheeseburger. Really, anything with cheese. I think until I make a change, I’m going to struggle staying the course on WW. I’m not going to give up, though, because change is inevitable—and it’s coming!!