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The Heavy Burden of Shame

One morning last week, I awoke with a very heavy heart. It was really quite unusual for me. I had never experienced that feeling before. As I lay in bed, hitting snooze, I had a lot of thoughts around a situation I had given very little thought to in a very long time. Then, it hit me. I was experiencing the shame I felt around the entire situation.

I’ve never felt shame in this way before. It was really weird for me. To feel a sense of sadness, pain, and even loss around something that was at least 30 years old. I knew I had been peeling my onion down layer by layer, but this one was out of the blue. So much so, I had honestly forgotten about it. It was just stuffed down so far. It’s times like this I wish I could call Jane and tell her what I’ve uncovered.

I journaled about it almost immediately and found that I was holding onto lots of shame. What came next surprised me. I realized that I needed to take an inventory. A Shame inventory, very much like the list created in step 4 of AA. I felt the urge to get it all out of my head and onto paper. I had a full page, front and back. Then, as I let more come out….I had another page.

I realized putting it all on paper allowed me to let it go and push it back out into the universe. I’ve had about two weeks to sit with it and it’s grown to be a hefty list. Can I say I’m tired as hell of carrying around this crap?? Did you know that once you acknowledge and share your shame, the power of it virtually disappears? This means, as I share more and more about my life, share stories with others, and come to lean into my shame, it’s no longer shame. It’s me stepping into my power. Taking back those things that I have let control me and my actions for years.

As I am a very ritual oriented person, I know you manifest during the new moon and release under the full moon, is best. So on April 5th, during the full moon, and since I have been very ready to let this shit go, I lit my list on fire and gave it back to the universe. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.

What are you holding onto that you may want to let go of?

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